In Honor Of An Amazing Lady, My Mom

MomThe picture you are looking at was the profile picture on my Facebook account for the whole of July. It came down from my profile today. To symbolize that, I am sharing here what the past 35 days have been like without her since she passed away on 27 June 2016. We laid her to rest on 30 June 2013.

Hers was a sudden death. Taken ill at 2:00am and passed away about 7 hours later. It was a very strong blow that left me reeling with shock and a bit confused.

I find work to be very therapeutic for me when I am going through some stressful time. This time around my favorite therapy lost its edge. I tried to immerse myself in work just so I would not lose the rhythm. This time my heart was just too heavy for me to be productive. I am grateful to my team who went along with me. They allowed me to do what I love, albeit not so well. It was important to me that they did not treat me as an invalid to be kept away from work. So thank you Team Elevation. You guys rock!!

There were two bitter-sweet occasions that happened in the interim:

Jabu_FarewellShe Missed Sending My Son Off to University

My first born son Jabulani had been 4 years behind schedule to go to university. My mom had been a strong encourager for my son and I. She was my very strong prayer partner as we both prayed for a breakthrough for him. When it miraculously came we celebrated together. Mom was supposed to have spent just over a week at our place. She was to spend time giving some informal counseling to the young man. Sadly we buried her on the day that she was meant to be traveling to come to my house for that. Sending Jabu off was quite an emotional roller coaster to say the least. We smiled, cried and laughed all at the same time. Thank you to my mamomdala and cousin who rose to the occasion and came to be by my side. The support of my local church was also invaluable.

She Missed Meeting Her Grandchildren For The First Time

IMG_20160728_145738My mom had met my sister-in-law briefly five years ago before she married my brother. they got married in the USA and now have two adorable kids, a boy and a girl. Mom had been denied a visa to the USA to see them when they were born. Thanks to technology she was kept abreast on their progress via videos and the occasional Skype call. A few days ago she would have held her grandchildren in her arms for the very first time. They came to visit as had been scheduled. I went to meet with them in my hometown last week. We hugged each other with my sister-in-law and wept over what was meant to be.

Mom had planned to do the traditional bridal welcome of ukucola for my sister-in-law. We did it at my uncle’s homestead at the village last week. A goat was killed. We prepared good food and relatives gathered to welcome her into the family. We tried our best to make it the festive occasion that it was meant to be. Yet no one could ignore the void that we felt. For my mom to have missed that by just four weeks! One cannot help but ask WHY? Accompanying them to the graveyard to lay their flowers was the climax of the bitter-sweetness.

Lessons Learned From Mom’s Life and Her Passing Away

  • It takes a lot of faith and inner strength to lose a mom and still be able to think straight. Life has to go on. The bills must be paid. The kids must go to school. Moments worth celebrating must not stop. God gave me that strength and faith to carry on and do those things.
  • Every moment counts in life. I am ever grateful for the special times we spent together. The one international vacation I took her on to Durban stands out as a special memory. We had Israel lined up for May 2017, having been postponed from 2015. The reason for postponing seems so trivial now. Seize every moment that you have to create unforgettable memories with your loved ones.
  • Where my mom is concerned, I have very little regrets as to our relationship. We were the best of friends. She was like a sister to me. She passed on a legacy of faith in God, total forgiveness, unbounded generosity, unconditional love and more. From her I learned that the most precious things in life cost only your commitment, not your money. More than material possessions, what matters most to pass on to your children is what you place into their hearts. May the Lord help me be the kind of mom whose teachings and example will live on in my children’s hearts.
  • Never be angry at each other when you part with your loved ones, even to go to sleep. I spoke with my mom and we bade each other good night the previous evening over the phone. Our conversation had been filled with laughter and the usual jests about her being my four sons’ girlfriend. That was the last we spoke to each other.
  • There is power in prayer. I know that my mom’s prayers will cover me and my children till our last breath. She taught me to pray for the present and the distant future. I know that the peace that I feel inside is because of her prayers that she paid forward for me for a time like this. The tears still flow and they will flow whenever memories call for it. Yet I will still have that calm blessed peace in my soul that only the Holy Spirit can impart.
  • It is possible to have a balanced life between work, family and community. My mom was an excellent example of that. She worked her fields diligently and productively. She was there for us and we felt her love as a family. She was a visible presence in the community, especially at church. She touched people’s lives in a very profound way. Their testimonies were enough to show me that.

This might not do justice to the total person that she was. It is my own way of celebrating her life and giving you an appreciation of the amazing lady who was called Naka Madlala (Mother of Madlala). She had been married to my dad Luke Nduna Mguni in 1965 until he passed away in 2012. I was her first born and only biological daughter. She had also given birth to three sons Njabulo and Gugulezwe (both late) and Dingilizwe. From this progeny she left behind five grandsons (Jabu, Bongani, Anele, Sibusiso and Luc) and three granddaughters (Natasha, Minenhle and Chloe). She was mom, grandma, mentor and counselor to many who came into her life. I look forward to that great reunion day of Christ’s return.

The video below was my labor of love and a part of my healing process that is still ongoing. If you knew her personally, may this heal you too.

ABOUT NOMUSA

Nomusa Mhlanga 315-copy-412x540-320x420-150x150Nomusa is a loving mother of four sons. A professional water resources consultant with a Masters degree in Water Resources Engineering and Management, she has mastered the art of mindset shifting and integrating her conventional professional training with becoming a successful God praising network marketing business owner.

READ MORE FROM NOMUSA

My Skype: madlala2010

 

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Fathers Day Reflections Of A Healed Daughter

HAPPY FATHERS DAYToday is Fathers Day and I wish my dad was still alive for me to show him my love and respect.

In today’s post I share with you a very personal part of my life. I am sharing this to impress upon you the importance of forgiveness. I also share with you the importance of coming clean with the people you love through open and honest communication in their living years.

Happiness Turned to Sadness

I have both fond and not so happy memories of my relationship with my dad. As a young girl up to my early teen years, my father was my hero. He was the first model of manhood that I knew. He was funny and made me laugh so often. I felt safe in his presence because he provided for us as his children.

I have fond memories of sitting on his lap and playing drums on his tummy while he played his fingers as a flute. He sang funny songs to me that made me ball over with laughter every time. Those were the good old days. Days filled with innocence and undiluted unconditional love.

Things took a dark turn when another woman showed up in the picture. Eventually my parents divorced just before I turned twelve years old. Life took a terrible turn. Our quality of life nose dived as my mom struggled to take me and my brothers through school alone.

Sadness Turned To Anger and Rebellion

Later on we moved in with my dad and stepmom and life was real hell on earth. I was confused. My emotions oscillated between hatred and anger at my dad and at God. I felt that my dad had seriously let me down by not ensuring that we kept the safety and comfort of having both him and my mom in our lives at the same time. I felt let down by him not shielding us from the cruelty that was taking place right under his nose.

I was angry with God for letting the authority figures in my life get away with making decisions that hurt me and my siblings so much. If He was a powerful and all-knowing God, why could He not defend us from our parents poor decisions? If He could not discipline them, why would he expect me to obey Him? I rebelled against the God that I had known through my defective father and I left the church.

So Hard To Forgive

After thirteen years of divorce, my parents remarried. A lot had already gone wrong. I felt that he came back into my life too late. I no longer needed him and I intentionally kept my distance from him. Deep inside though, the little girl in me yearned for a relationship with the man who had been my first love.

I carried that chip on my shoulder into my marriage and needless to say a lot of things did not work out well. I was fighting my mother’s battles that  were never resolved in my head. I was fighting for that little girl who had missed her dad so much. The men in my life became the victims of those unofficially declared wars.

My emotions were a roller coaster of love and hate of the two most important men in my life. Having been blessed with sons, I gave a laser focus effort to loving them. Their love was pure, clean, untainted and unconditional. Is it possible I spoilt them? Maybe, and we need to clean that up too.

A Journey of Healing

Fast forward to about six years back. God has been taking me on a journey of healing through searching His Word, prayer and meditation. I have been learning to understand myself and the way that I am. I now understand where I went wrong on my life’s journey in allowing my circumstances to dictate to me how I behaved.

Some mistakes I still have the opportunity to change for real. Other mistakes may not be fully corrected as they require not only my decisions but those of the other players too. Yet one thing that I am grateful for is that I now have learned the strength that lies in forgiveness. Forgiveness of others (with or without an apology from them) and forgiveness of myself.

The Empty Fathers Day Syndrome

Two years into my journey of healing, my dad passed away. We had made some inroads into the restoration of our relationship. There were still some issues that we were both trying to work out together. From a traditional point of view, he was still refusing to talk about certain issues. I was still angry and emotional about stuff. While we were treading on the eggshells and minefield of how to sort everything out, death struck. The empty Fathers Day Syndrome struck.

My moaning for my dad was chequered with frustration, confusion and a rekindled delusion in my Christian walk. How was I to resolve issues with a dead person? Why had God robbed me of a chance to make things right with my dad and subsequently with Him? Little did I know that my dad’s parting was to show me how to really trust Him and to truly forgive myself. As the dead know nothing and cannot hear our confessions, I only had God to confess what I should have confessed to my dad. In the process, God taught me how to let go of the past and accept forgiveness of myself from myself.

God’s Word – A Healing Balm

I thank God for His Word that renews and revives. As I cried myself to sleep on so many nights trying to figure out how to move on, God’s Word came alive for me in text and song. As I threw my tantrums by myself, I felt His presence by claiming the promises in His Word that He would never leave me nor forsake me.

My message today is especially for daughters and sons who on this Fathers Day do not know what to say to their dads because of the hurt that they feel. You feel your dad has not made the best decisions for your welfare. It looks like they have valued their personal happiness over your safety and welfare. You are angry and bitter towards him for making that choice.

Seek For Healing

I have been down that road and trust me anger and bitterness will only mess you up. Find a trusted God fearing adult/friend for you to talk to and ask them to help you deal with your emotions. Your church pastor or his wife are a good suggestion. If you are male, talk to a man, if you are female, talk to a woman. You do not want to create unnecessary complications from male/female dynamics.

If you cannot find someone you can talk to right away, pray. Talk to God openly and honestly and tell Him you want to start your journey of healing and forgiveness. He will show you what to do and He will bring the right people into your life to guide you at the right time. This advice is for both young and old who are hurting from their relationships or lack thereof with their fathers.

Today as a starting point, even if you may not have felt like extending the message, pick up the phone and just wish your dad a happy Fathers Day. You will deal with the deeper things later.

Obey God – Both Father and Child Admonished

No matter what your age, remember this commandment: “Honour your father and your mother, that your days may be long in the land that the Lord Your God is giving you” – Exodus 20: 12. Your father does not have to deserve your honour. Your noble and godly response towards him with all his faults is honour. God will keep his side of the deal and give you a long and joyful life.

To the fathers, listen to this caution from God: And you, fathers, do not provoke your children to wrath, but bring them up in the training and admonition of the Lord”Ephesians 6:4. These are powerful words to keep in mind in your dealings with your children. Be mindful of the impact of your choices and decisions on them. Do not give them cause to be wrath towards you and possibly turning their backs on God too.

Your choices and decisions have an eternal influence on your offspring. If you have messed up and your relationship with any of your children is not at its best, take the initiative to make things right. Ask for God to guide as to how you and your child can walk towards reconciliation. Both of you will benefit from it in your relationship and your relationships with other important people in your lives. Fathers Day is a good time to get that ball rolling.

Happy Fathers Day to all the dads and all the children in the world.

Snap! This really got so much longer than planned 😉. If you know of anyone who needs to read this message, please share it with them on social media or via email.

ABOUT NOMUSA

Nomusa Mhlanga 315-copy-412x540-320x420-150x150Nomusa is a loving mother of four sons. A professional water resources consultant with a Masters degree in Water Resources Engineering and Management, she has mastered the art of mindset shifting and integrating her conventional professional training with becoming a successful God praising network marketing business owner.

READ MORE FROM NOMUSA

My Skype: madlala2010

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Published From a Desire Proclaimed a Decade Ago

Salvation_May-June_2016_ Issue_CoverYesterday I received news that I have waited for and anticipated for quite some time. A devotional article that I wrote some time back had been published in a Christian magazine titled Salvation.

I have published a thesis for my masters degree as well as academic papers. All fade in significance compared to the publication of this article. It is a culmination and a continuation of a work that has been nearly a decade in the making.

The Manifestation of a Decade Old Dream

In one of my journal entries in 2006, I wrote down that I wanted to one day be able to share the spiritual insights that God gave me during my devotions in a printed publication. From that day I started a compilation of those spiritual insights in my hard copy journals. I have kept the journals over the years. Later on the writings were done on my laptop. Today one of them is a published work. This goes to show the power of writing down one’s dreams.

Some of my literary works in 2010 were published in a blog that I started and abandoned. I was still figuring out what the thrust of my online presence was to be. It was in 2012 that I finally purchased a domain that would become this blog/website that I still have today.

Content emphasis has varied. I have been invited by several individuals to contribute to their blogs with a thrust towards purely business coaching. I did that for a while but fell of the bandwagon along the way. Somehow deep inside me, I knew that my calling was in the area of Christ centered writing. I shared my thoughts and insights on various subjects, business included. My objective has been to mold thinking that infuses Christ into all areas of life for my readers and subscribers on this blog.

How A Way To be Print Published was Opened

This caught the attention of a certain young man called Victor Nkomo who was following my Facebook posts. He also happened to be the founding publisher of the magazine Salvation. He asked me to contribute an article on the story of my life. The article that I had earmarked was part of a work that is in the pipeline for publication during the course of this year. My editor objected to me sharing that before being published.

We then agreed for me to contribute a regular devotional article in the magazine instead. Today I share with you the first of those devotional articles extracted from my prayer journals that I have been writing over the years. It is an honor and a privilege for me to be a part of this noble publication. I believe it is inspired by the Holy Spirit for the winning of souls into God’s Kingdom.

How It All Ties In

Being a home business owner, I use the internet to grow my business. I have always wanted to be a visible and audible advocate for a rounded approach to business. I do not want to teach business principles in isolation from my Christian beliefs. I want to infuse the two in a bid to showcase and inspire a rounded and spiritually focused business person. I envision a business owner who exercises Godly principles at home, at church and in the market place.

Once the printed version of this issue is out, I will let you all know. I will offer a limited number of  autographed printed copies to some of my subscribers here. Look out for that announcement over the next couple of days. In the meantime, you can access the online PDF version of the May/June 2016 issue of Salvation Magazine. You can then read my article from “The Heart Intelligence Corner” on Page 9.

You may also connect with the man behind this noble publication, Victor Nkomo on facebook .

Do you know anyone in your social media circles who would love to get hold of this information, please share this post with them.

ABOUT NOMUSA

Nomusa Mhlanga 315-copy-412x540-320x420-150x150Nomusa is a loving mother of four sons. A professional water resources consultant with a Masters degree in Water Resources Engineering and Management, she has mastered the art of mindset shifting and integrating her conventional professional training with becoming a successful God praising network marketing business owner.

READ MORE FROM NOMUSA

My Skype: madlala2010

 

Winning Attitude Formula Part 2

WinningDo you want to know how to revive a winning attitude? Always remember that you won your first race in life the day that you were conceived. Had a different one of those millions of wiggly guys won, the result would not have been you. So yes you are one in a million. Check out Part 1 of this victory story here 🙂.

Enthusiasm and persistence are two traits of all children in the world that cause them to succeed in all the stages of their development that we looked at in the previous post. Today let’s explore three more of these traits that if you rediscovered and applied would ensure that you win. Just like you did when you were a child.

  1. A Winning Attitude Requires An Adventurous Spirit

Watch any child. They are adventurous. There are no boundaries to achievement as far as they are concerned. What killed that for you? It was all the NOs that you heard when you were growing up. Admittedly some of the NOs were meant to protect you from your ignorance of danger. Because the adults in your life were too busy to communicate and reason with you why you were not to do certain things, they just said NO each time you asked or tried. The NO message is so embedded into your subconscious, coupled with the fear of the type of punishment that you got for disobeying that two letter word. So without thinking about it you place invisible boundaries for yourself as a safeguard without really considering whether or not there is real danger in new ventures and opportunities.

It is up to you to rekindle that spirit of adventure. No one is going to punish you for trying something new. Emancipate yourself from mental slavery and look at life as a daring adventure. Without crossing over Godly principles or deliberately hurting or exploiting people and nature, pursue your dreams with the passion of an adventurous spirit.

  1. Get Over It and Move On

It always fascinates me how little children bounce back out of adversity. They may fall and get hurt, cry for a few minutes from the pain but within minutes they get back up. There are no pity parties for kids. They quickly get over a setback and move on. Most adults on the other hand will wallow over adversity to a point where it poisons their attitude about all of life. They will hold on to grudges and moan over misfortunes until it paralyses them into inaction. As a result they get stuck.

Are you like that as well? Are you licking your wounds over some misfortune that befell you some time back? Are you basing all your decisions on how you perceive people to like you or hate you? Are you holding on to anger for some unfair treatment from someone? Get over it and move on. Sound harsh? Well, it is the only way by which you will be liberated from being stuck where you are.

Regain that innocence of childhood where the past has nothing to do with where you are going. Remove the gloom and doom attitude. Talk positively to yourself, create a new reality and make things happen. Have a winning attitude.

  1. Have Faith

Christ says the best faith is the faith of a child. To children, failure is not even a possibility. That is why they will go for everything that they see others doing. Their winning attitude is: if they are walking so can I. If they are singing so can I. If they are running so can I. Adopt that faith as well. What would you do if you knew you would not fail? Do that!

Assume success in everything that you set out to do and step out with confidence to pursue your goals. Nothing that you ever do will have an assured outcome, so if you wait for one, you will never start anything. Only believe that God is on your side and pursue the dream that He has planted in you. It sounds naive and simple but that is the only way to make a change in your life and in the world.

You are destined to succeed. A winning attitude will make sure that you enjoy happiness, health and wealth today and pass it on to those around you and to the next generation. That is called living a legacy as opposed to just getting by.

If you loved this post and found value in it, please share it with your friends and family on your favorite social media platform.

ABOUT NOMUSA

Nomusa Mhlanga 315-copy-412x540-320x420-150x150Nomusa is a devoted mother of four sons. A professional water resources consultant with a Masters degree in Water Resources Engineering and Management, she has mastered the art of mindset shifting and integrating her conventional professional training with becoming a successful God praising network marketing business owner.

READ MORE FROM NOMUSA

My Skype: madlala2010