God, My Gentleman Wooed Me To Courage and Confidence

Let me gossip with you about my favorite Gentleman.

For decades I thought I was on top of my game. I had risen to success by any standards you can think of. I excelled academically. I was appointed a leader at both Primary and High School as Deputy Head Girl and Head Girl respectively. The degrees I acquired opened a whole new world of success for me.

I got good jobs and did them very well, earning professional accolades and recognition. I even tried my hand at entrepreneurship and surprised myself when I made that work through innovation and creativity that I had no idea I possessed. Icing on the cake, I had hitched me a guy, got married and had handsome sons. What more could a woman want really?

All this I achieved against all odds. It was against a background of a broken home. My parents divorced as soon as I got into my teen years. That ushered in the beginning of what I call my “Dark Ages”.

Life turned from rosy to brackish suddenly. From a wonderful fairy tale bed of roses childhood, I and my siblings transitioned into a reverse Cinderella setup. The world became sour as words of praise transitioned to criticism, ridicule, derision, and outright insults. Kind instruction turned into constant rebuke and hard labour.

I personally determined in my heart that if the world would not rescue me from that situation, I was going to get myself out of it through sheer determination. That mindset achieved it for me. It bankrolled the outward success that people saw. I rode on that wave and exuded confidence and control. Without bragging as such (tongue-in-cheek), I told myself that, yes, by sheer focus and determination I had got myself out of the imposed prison into freedom.

Building on Sinking Sand

Little did I know how shaky and precarious the foundation on which this Queen’s castle was built. No matter how beautiful a mansion is, if its foundation is shaky, soon enough, the cracks will show.

In the case of my life, while all the walls were shiny and the furniture from Pelhams. The foundation was more sand than cement and stone, more shallowness than depth. You see, it was all based on what I had done and could do, to build the castle. The Chief Builder of life was somewhere else when the blueprint was drawn, and the construction done. He was somewhere else, not because He chose to be, but because I shut Him out.

Unless the Lord builds the house,
They labor in vain who build it;
Unless the Lord guards the city,
The watchman stays awake in vain.

Psalm 127:1 NKJV

From Darkness To Light

The Chief Builder of life is God. God in His fullness of Father, Son and Holy Spirit.

For the critical formative years between 13 and about 30 or so years old, I had locked Him out of my life. I had my reasons and they were plausible to me at the time. It took a near fatal car accident to jolt me to reality and a realization that, my life was not in my hands! I then opened the door and invited Him back in.

I say back in because I believe He had been in before the Dark Ages and I was just not yet aware of it. Being the Gentleman that He is (you will understand why it’s important for me that God is a gentleman as we get to know each other), He came in and dealt with me in line with the boundaries that I set.

From 30 to about 48 my relationship to him was one of love-hate, clarity-confusion, agreement-dispute, and choice-imposition (all the positives were His and the negatives mine). He danced with me to the music of my choice for the most part. Occasionally, we would dance to His choice of music, but mostly it was mine. And The Gentleman indulged me.

Turning On The Heat

When God ses that you are too slow to learn the lesson of how critical and important it was for Him to pick the music and lead the dance, He makes some drastic changes in your life to catch your attention .

Nomusa At Home

All that I held dear, all that I had worked for through ‘my own effort; He allowed to fall apart in quick succession. The great job went, the marriage crumbled, the business collapsed, and I was left to face the bare reality of ME, the human being.

The question begged. In the absence of all the external trimmings Nomusa, who are you? I had no answer! I was confused, angry, paralyzed. My Gentleman took me in His arms and taught me who I was., who I had always been and always will be in His eyes.

Could I comprehend it right away? No!

How does a smart, intelligent woman who has aced two degrees and chaired Executive Committee meetings not understand that she is special, unique, loved, adored, and cherished by the King of the Universe?

Apparently, it is a very difficult concept to understand for many special Princesses, Princes, Queens and Kings out there. Like me, many believe that their worth is in the things that they possess. Strip them of those things, they lose identity. Many spend the rest of their lives cowering in a corner somewhere wondering where their lives went.

Tough Love is Good

Sooner or later, it comes to every man and woman. God sends small reminders all along life’s journey. He puts you in a small fix expecting you to turn to Him for rescue. Most of the time the fix is so tiny, you dig deeper into your resourcefulness and sort it out.

Gradually He increases intensity and pressure, until one day He does the monumental one that drives you to your knees until all you can do is whimper ‘LORD save me, or I’ I’ll die!’

“… LORD save me,”

Matthew 14:30 NKJV

Sadly, some choose to walk away from Him into hopelessness and despair. They lose their minds, commit suicide, live in isolation, drink their lives away, drug themselves into a stupor, wallow in a life of loose morals, become angry entitled brats, etc. I almost got caught in these vices too, but My Gentleman held me tightly until I could really feel His embrace, hear His heartbeat, and gentle whispers of love. Finally I felt the balm of His healing.

It was a long and arduous journey, and I am glad He stuck with me through it all. You see, He was there all the time. Right from the day of that first encounter with my first abuser, when I mentally put my hands on my hips and set my mind to fight my own battles until I won. That was the day I relegated Him to the role of passenger and spectator, while I became Captain of the Ship and Star of the Show.

My Gentleman’s 360 Care

My Gentleman cares for every area of my life. As He was sorting out my identity, He realigned a lot of other struggling parts of my life. You see we are Total Beings. When self-image suffers, faith and relationships suffer. So does business and career progress.

God wants us to be well in all aspects. I am happy that in the realignment of Him taking His rightful position, He has catered to my inner and outer beauty as well as my physical, social, and career wellbeing. There is always room for improvement! I am grateful to be where I am today, which is certainly not where I was then.

Throwing it Back To You

I don’t know what is happening in your life right now or where you are on the path of God winning you back and realigning your stuff. By following the content on this website and blog, you will find out where you are. I share my journey candidly and openly so that you will be able to see the parallel with your own life and pick up what applies to you.

Our stories and paths are unique, yet the principle guiding our lives is simple: without Christ, we can do nothing. The aim of the content shared in here is to help you hear God’s voice and meet with Him at exactly where you are.

Rest assured it will be exciting. There shall be guest contributors and current life insights from object lessons gleaned as the journey with Him continues.

Whether I’m at home on my sofa, at my desk, in my kitchen, in the garden, or broom in hand cleaning before and after my family, each hat that I wear has a story to tell. I am glad to share it all with you here in the Nomusa At Home community.

And remember, the stories may be mine or the guest contributors’, but in reality, it’s not about us. It’s all about Him: God Our Gentleman. WELCOME!

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